2018;20

Hi. i dont remember when was the last time i updated my blog. and here i am, in 2018, on 9th january 2018. life is okay, except not any change in me that i can proud of myself. btw, i'm already 20 guys, even though not officially yet. i feel so old already. currently, i'm in my first semester of my degree, but guess, the stress is real. my life is full with quiz,exam, presentations,assignments and etc. i'm bored. i need something fresh to cheer me up, maybe anything or societies that i can join? or sports? ugh.

actually, i feel so bored and so lazy to study. and anxiety attacked me. i miss my high school. i wish i can return to the old time and change everything that i could. the negativity and etc. i miss my old friends even though i know they dont miss me. for me, friendship is so hard to create, cz im not the type that easily attached to someone and then be close to them. even one year does not enough to know me. sometimes i am fake in front of ppl, sometimes i pretend to be kind even though i feel like wanna scold them just like i scold my siblings. yes i'm that fake. i'm far away from perfect.

but srsly, now i belive that high school is the best moment ever, even though once i had a thought like this, 'oh for sure i wouldnt miss my high school again after this. uni life would be fun'. that's how it goes. cz i had my bad memories also back then. maybe that's why i had a thought like that. but, turned out that i was wrong. roarers are forever roarers. idk how my batchmates are doing rn. but i'm sure that they enjoy their life rn and even some of them turn to be so pretty than back then. some of them already furthering their studies in overseas, and yeah everyone changes. then,i keep thinking, what happens to me? does i'm doing the right thing right now? can i be at least a better person? anxiety sucks. and even more the introverted side of me. but i believe things take time. everything will get better soon. inshaAllah.