Last Day of 2018

Hello.

Since it is 31st December 2018, i'll just write something here. There's so much in my head when i dont write but when i'm here now, i dont know where to start from. ok, so basically 2018 has been good to me, and nothing special. just like any other year. maybe the best achievement is i got dean list for two semesters. i was quite shocked at first but alhamdulillah for what He gives. i was listed on jpa's 'loan' (because it is not 100% scholarship unless i get to work for the government) after applying it using my first semester result. i admit that after that, it was getting harder. the subjects are quite heavy to carry on so some of us (my classmates) took short sem for EAW subject. gosh can you imagine how relax it was since we only took one subject until we dont know what to do. i think i watch a lot of movies and kdrama at that time. But yeah, still doesnt get A for that subject smh. 

as time flies by, i need to accept that i'm already enrolled into iium which i choose it in the first place. i swear sometimes i regret a lot for choosing iium. idk why. maybe the environment is too good. i swear it is too good. i dont know if the reason is i dont involve much in programs or society that made me think that this environment is very different compared to other universities. i rarely hear people curse hear, which i hear a lot when i'm in high school. i dont know lah maybe i dont exposed much. but since i enter iium, i dont have any guy friends other than my classmates. sbb basically mmg perempuan lagi ramai dari laki dlm kos ni. sometimes, i think why why and why i'm here. why dietetics, why kuantan and why everything. but one day, someone tells that carilah hikmah di setiap apa yang berlaku. Allah dah tetapkan semuaNya and He really knows well. 

but the thing is, everything is not same compared to when i was in high school. back then, everyone knew me bcs i was a daughter to a teacher in that school. and probably i got guy friends because of that too. and it feels good when you dont have to think what will hapen if you do this and this without ruin the image of your father. now, i just lead a normal life, still thinking on what is my goals, how to be a better me. still, i'm suck. i know i still dont try my best yet. i'm still in my comfort zone which sometimes scares me. idk how i'll handle fyp and my clinical year if i'm going to be like this forever. because i take things for granted. i just lazying around and yes, i dont know where to get passion to stay in this course. i'm scared when lecturer said that being a dietitian means that you need to be kepochi. you need to be able to socialize with people. i'm scared if one day, i cant do this. the fact that being an introvert is hard. yes i know ppl will say, just be yourself,  but the truth is being an introvert has a lot of its disavantages. plus i'm socially awkward . that what makes it worse.

and i always wonder how He always jaga my aib when the truth is i'm far from a good person. when people think that i'm kind and etc, but the truth is not. when ppl think i'm intelligent when they know i got dean list. i swear i dont kow how i can achieve those when in fact, only He knows and probably my roomate that i always sleep. yes i studied but the fact that other ppl struggle more than me what made me think why Allah gives this to me. i still struggling to jaga my solat and even now, i'm far from being a good muslimah. still far away. 

time flies so fast that now i will turn 21. it is amazing that i left school for already 3 years. the past is far away behind but there are some memories about school that u just cant forget. i have many regrets but what past is past. i cant turn back time and change what i want to change. but still, high school was the best part of my life. setakat ni. idk what happens next. 

so, i guess being at this age really makes us overthinking, rite? about everything. your future career, how life would be after you graduate, or if you can graduate on time, if you can pays back your parents and everything. including your future spouse. i pray that one day, He'll give me a good spouse that can bring me closer to Him (czi know i'm bad at religious stuffs) . Hanis told me to always dua to Him, to prevent ourselves to fall in love with the wrong person. yeah i think she's getting more mature now and good with these kind of stuffs. 

let's hope 2019 will be more good inshaAllah. i have three more papers on my final. may He eases everything.

this pic was taken when i'm 15.

i miss you guys :')

pernah upload gmbr ni in old posts but all my old posts got deleted. i'm regret it now. 

xoxo.

p/s: pardon for my broken english and not that tersusun storyline.